April 6, 2023
Making Your Relationship a Priority Even When Tired and Busy
Intimacy is a principal component of any romantic relationship. It can make your relationship feel special and unique and a large part of why you are together as a couple. However, finding time for intimacy can be a challenge when you’re busy and tired. It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of work, family, and other responsibilities, leaving little time or energy for your partner.
Too Tired for Intimacy
Lack of energy and as a result, a lack of desire, is the main reason my clients tell me they are not having sex or enjoying intimate moments with their partner. Long work hours, family commitments and looking after children can seriously interfere with desire and opportunity. This can lead to disconnection, irritation and possibly even lead to arguments. Sometimes one partner may feel more pressure to have sex when they don’t feel like it and the other partner might feel rejected from the loss of intimacy and connection.
Sometimes we say we are tired when there are other reasons for not wanting to connect and make time for intimacy. Communicate your feelings rather than suppressing them. Is there anger, irritation, worry? Explore the emotions you are feeling and find time to discuss them with your partner.
Prioritise Your Relationship and Make Time for Intimacy
Prioritising your connection with your partner can help strengthen your relationship and bring you closer together. Here are some suggestions for finding time for intimacy when you’re tired and busy:
Schedule it in
One of the most effective ways to make time for intimacy is to set a date and time for it in your calendar. This doesn’t mean you need to plan out every intimate moment, but it does mean setting aside dedicated time for
your relationship. You can plan a date night once a week or even just a few hours every weekend where you disconnect from other distractions and focus solely on your partner. Find time when you’re not worn out, but even if you are feeling a bit tired and are feeling resistant, commit to finding some time to connect in some way.
Prioritise quality over quantity
Intimacy doesn’t always have to be a long, drawn-out affair. Even a few minutes of meaningful connection can go a long way. Rather than waiting for the perfect moment or ideal circumstance, focus on making the most of the time you have, even when you are tired or not really in the mood. This can be a quick kiss, a hug, or even just a few minutes of eye contact and conversation.
Communicate your needs
It’s important to communicate your needs with your partner. If you’re feeling worn out, anxious or overwhelmed, let them know. Together, you can come up with a plan to prioritise your relationship and make time for intimacy. This can be as simple as agreeing to spend ten minutes connecting before bed each night or setting aside an hour every week for a date night.
Be creative with Finding Ways to Be Intimate
Intimacy doesn’t have to be the traditional candlelit dinner and movie night.
Be creative with your ideas. Maybe you can plan a picnic in the park, take a dance class together, or take a cookery class – find something that works for you both. Finding new and exciting ways to connect with your partner can make intimacy more fun and enjoyable.
Taking care of yourself is also essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. When you’re tired and stressed, it can be challenging to prioritise your relationship. However, taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health can give you the energy and stamina to make time for intimacy.
Whether it’s going for a run, taking some time out, having massage, taking a yoga class, or spending time with friends, make sure to prioritise your self-care as well.
But What About Spontaneity?
People sometimes say that scheduling intimacy isn’t sexy as it loses the spontaneity and excitement. But in reality, by setting aside the time, you are indicating that that part of your relationship is important and providing opportunities to reconnect, and rebuild what you had previously. Work towards changing your mindset if you or your partner are thinking this way.
Reconnect with Your Partner
Finding time for intimacy when you’re tired and busy takes effort, but it’s worth it. By prioritising your relationship, communicating your needs, and being creative, you can strengthen your connection with your partner and bring more love and joy into your life. Remember, even the smallest moments of intimacy can make a big difference in your relationship.
Talk to a Therapist
If you would like to talk to a therapist about relationship difficulties, get in contact with Claire here.